I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
