I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
