brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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