I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
