I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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