it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
