He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
