Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
