This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
