i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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