ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize