i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
