I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
