there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
