I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
