I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
