It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize