his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
