Non-Jews are for practice
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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