do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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