my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
3pm strippers are depressing
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize