the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize