I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
