you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
