Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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