His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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