It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
