He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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