i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
