Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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