Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
