Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
