please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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