once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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