She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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