: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
