there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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