Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize