Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
