But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
