it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
