I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am one with the molecules
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
