Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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