my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
