yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
