You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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