A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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