I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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