he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize