Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
