i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
