I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
