hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
