The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
