This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
