So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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