Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize