Dual....:-)
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
