He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
