I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
