this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Randomize
