I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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