do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize