Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
