The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
