I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
home. puking in laundry basket.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Randomize
