Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
