I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
