I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
