your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
