My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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